I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
