She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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