She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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