ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
