R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
