Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
