38 yer olds are good kisserssss
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
