K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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