the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I puked a lego.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Also, beer. Big fan.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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