8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
