Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
