his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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