I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
