I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
