24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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