Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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