remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
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