my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
