I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
