Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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