the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
