never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
whose parrot is this?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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