This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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