last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
