2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Randomize
