He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
