eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
