You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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