You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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