Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
