I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
