No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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