can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
