i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
i black out too much to be "responsible"
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
