If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
