I'm passing your future prison.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
