so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
