i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
