She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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