I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
