apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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