he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
