No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
