I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Girls should come with a carfax report
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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