Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
