I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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