I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
