sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Enjoy the penises
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
