Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
