yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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