if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
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