Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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