i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
