This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
