I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
