Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
