she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
