I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
