I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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