So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
