if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
did i just pee glitter
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
