Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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